If I were Superman...

My brother Josh is a big fan of Smallville, and I used to be until it got all messed up, but we decided to watch the first few seasons all over again and it got me to thinking about how my life and choices would differ from that of Clark Kent.

Well, let me tell you that every decision that I would make would probably be the exact opposite of what Clark Kent would choose to do in every situation. The most recent episode I watched was when a Police Detective from Metropolis saw Clark stop a bus and than exploited him and his powers to do illegal activity for the cop. Now Clark went along with this for fear of his family and that his secret would be released to the general public. Now first thought that came to my head was, I think, the most obvious, kill him. Snap his damn neck and than grab his lifeless carcass and chuck his ass into outer space and no one would be the wiser. Now I know this option can be seen as morally wrong, and like a wise man once said, I believe it was Uncle Ben, with great power comes great responsibility, but the cop was wrong in the first place… so in this case two wrongs do make a right.

I would be exploiting myself if I had all those abilities. Super Speed, Invincibility, X-ray Vision (I could think of many risqué ways to use that lol), heat vision, cold breath, unlimited strength and obviously unparalleled good looks. I would be on Manchester United as midfielder, The San Francisco 49ers as Quarterback, The Blue Jays as a Center Fielder and I would be wiping the greens with Tiger Woods. On top of that, I would have already found Bin Laden, stop the war in Iraq, ended child poverty and won a Nobel Prize for awesomeness.

I would be untouchable, mad with power and constantly breaking the law, because in all honesty, how are they going to stop me? I know some of you might be thinking KRYPTONITE!! But since there is no planet Krypton I would just be Superman without any weaknesses’. So money, women and being famous (or infamous, depending on how you feel) would all be mine.

Last but not least I would definitely not be such a bitch when it can to Lana Lang, or any other girl for that matter. I am the most powerful and fastest person on the planet earth if not the entire universe and what I want I would get, or simply put, take. So high school boyfriend or not Lana Lang would be mine, and Chloe, and Lois, and Lex’s Girlfriend, Aunt Nell, The invisible girl that Clark ends up dating… basically every able bodied hot women in the city, state/province, country, continent. So if God does gift me with these abilities, than every one bewares, and Kate Beckinsale you can’t hide from me!

The New Dream!!!

Now as some of you may remember a little while back I wrote about my plans to obtain and care for a pet elephant named Fred. Well over the last couple months or so my ambitions in life have become even higher. I realized that Fred may not be an obtainable goal because of Government regulations on the import and ownership of 3 ton exotic animals.

My new goal in life is to have a dream apartment, which will be called the JD tower formerly known as the CN tower. Now right away you are probably laughing at me thinking “what an idiot, this guy could never have the CN tower as an apartment.” Well contrary to popular belief I have designed a way to make it mine. Obviously hard work, a shit load and money and possibly some kind of illegal activity with be necessary but beyond that I have an idea.

China apparently now has the world’s tallest free standing building, and the rich oil merchants of Dubai are reportedly erecting the soon to be tallest, placing our glorious CN Tower at third on the list of world’s tallest buildings. With this knowledge it has occurred to me that as a tourist why on God’s green earth would I want to visit the world’s third tallest building? With tourism and tour’s to the CN Tower dwindling in the future (fingers crossed) hopefully the cost of operations will exceed the benefits of having the building and in effect making the tower a seemingly useless attraction.

This is where I swoop in, with shit loads of money and plan to get the now third tallest eyesore, out of the hands of the Torontonians whom own it. Then, the renovations begin! I start by making my bedroom on the glass floor, I know what you thinking, that is so awesome my head just might explode. Their will be an en suite bathroom to my bedroom, notice to mention a balcony with the best view in Toronto. On clear nights I will be able to watch the Blue Jays lose, and throw stones at them from the top.

The communications pod will become the guest bedroom for family and friends, for those of you unaware of what I mean, it is the bulb above the bulb on the tower.

This would be the most amazing apartment in the world, even if it isn’t furnished just because it is the JD tower and it is massive. After a hard night on the town with friends, why not bring the after party to the coolest apartment you can find, one that takes a 10 minute elevator ride to get up too. Not to mention that it would pretty much seal the deal with any lady I or one of my wing men meet in the clubs/bars/street.

This may seem all but impossible to achieve but a wise man once said:
“You may say that I’m a dreamer, But I’m not the only one”

To know if I have achieved this call me in ten to fifteen years at 416 JD-TOWER